Yeah, so I saw Bloodrayne…
Judging by The Numbers, the readership of this site is the approximate number of people who have done the same.
If there isn’t a “movie” division of the war crimes tribunal there ought to be. This isn’t “so bad it’s good” or anything like that. This was just plain bad. Note the use of “movie” throughout – consider them to be giant air-quotes.
The entire “movie” was a mishmash of scenes only connected by the fact that you saw the same people in similar outfits. I like Kristanna Loken, I really do – but what the flying fuck woman? At what point do you not walk the fuck off set and never return? So disappointing, this movie COULD have been awesome. Hot half-vampire chick that (per the game) fights nazzis? Where the fuck is THAT movie? Blade meets Buffy meets Indiana Jones. It could have been a campy little mid-wintertime romp. Instead it was a giant, smelly turd.
At some point a second, seemingly positive, review was posted at Rotten Tomatoes, upping this thing to a 6% vs 4%. Someone received their cashier’s check I’d wager.
Don’t even get me started on Ben Kingsly. I wouldn’t start making room on the Oscar shelf just yet…
Apparently our man Uwe also directed the Dungeon Siege Movie. Yet another excellent game I’ll never be able to play again because of this stupid fuck.
WHO KEEPS GIVING HIM MONEY? FUCK. STOP IT ALREADY!
PS – Kristanna, thank you for the ridiculous sex scene. You have nice boobies. That is all.